This possibly my 10th time trying to write a blog …consistently.
I never wrote a blog that actually stayed on for a year. When it becomes too personal, it becomes too hard to handle. Too painful to write and share with strangers. I start to wonder what are they thinking when they read?
This blog isn’t about chocolate. Even thought I’m addicted to it. I would like to live in a chocolate bubble if I could. But I think more so I’m addicted to pain. I don’t want it yet it finds me. Kinda like Chocolate. In my world, its everywhere I turn.
I’m in constant pain. This just isn’t going away. It isn’t some boy this time. It’s not something I can just get over with time. It’s my father that caused me the pain. He broke my trust. I haven’t seen him for over a month. He hurt me more than anyone in this world and yet, he thinks just telling me, “So what if I lied?” is sufficient enough to pretend like nothing ever happened. What kind of father is this? I didn’t want your money. I wanted your love. I wanted to trust you and be close to you so I can talk to you. I don’t need your money. You can’t buy my trust back with money. I’m still alive without your money…but I feel dead inside knowing someone I loved for so long, admired and trusted can throw away everything so quickly.
With everything else in my past. I can’t get this brick off my chest. Till the day comes that I actually tell you how much you have hurt me, I’ll try to find my own happiness. I am going to be selfish. I will find it.
Here is my search…
